Looking for excellent poetry? Here's the place to go:
One Stop Poetry, One Shot Wednesday
I awake slowly every morning sleep tucked around my eyes
I awake slowly every morning in silence and desire.
Rush hour traffic does not contain me
Because I awaken slowly.
I awake slowly every morning light streaming through dirty panes
I awake slowly every morning in silence and desire
Memories move with effort
Because I awaken slowly.
I awake slowly every morning cloudy skies block the light
I awake slowly every morning in silence and desire
Morning birds and crows calling to their mates
As I awake slowly.
I
Miss
You.
28 comments:
oh nice slow build...love the repitition and then the feel at the end is an ache...thanks for linking up with one shot!
Lovely awakening, dear Jessie!
;)
The continuous awakening to discover the heart misses someone... enjoyed your poem. thanks
Nice awakening besides the missing part!
The repetition helps this to build up perfectly.
The slow build is perfect to describe the slow awakening to the fact that the missed one is not there. I like it.
I agree Patti...I think it's kind of like not wanting to wake to the reality...nicely done
I enjoyed this. The pace and the reppetition of phrases work very well. Solid. - Bill
what an awakening Jessie..haha and i loved the ending..great one! :))
Good Morning! Such a pretty poem.
i see your awakening
many mornings.
thank you for you visit,
it is good to meet you.
I too like the repetition that you build here Jessie. You forgot to mention where you put the coffee though. I would make you a pot to help you wake up while you are gazing through the dirty panes to cloudy skies. Only kind thing to do after your nice comments on my blog :)
Katherine
Love the flow that builds up to your ending. Beautiful writing.
:-)
This builds on you, slowly but surely, with every repetition, pressing it deeper into heart and mind. All summed up so succinctly in those final words, though: "I. Miss. You." So simple, yet so powerful. Wonderful poem--great flow.
The repetition is so effective.
I love the way the rhythum builds and then suddenly dislocates at right at the end.
It reminds me of a train building up speed, then suddenly making an emergency stop in the middle of it's journey in a sad, lonley, silent part of a city, where only a sense of echoing longing lingers.
And the awakening is slow because the absence permeates so much. Good one.
the flow of action is excellent. laziness, silence, solitude and love are very well connected in this poem.
I was wondering where this was going...so well said! It reminds me of when I was single and had gone through a rough break-up. Those mornings were the hardest part.
This is awesome poetry my friend...you have summed it up so very well. Thanks for visiting my nook, I really appreciate it so much ~ Hugs xx
Aaawww... the "I miss you part" got me. Nice build up to that, Jessie. :)
lovely piece, very well done
The repetition builds the longing-- nicely done!
less incentive to awaken to ...
Lovely piece Jessie
glad you could share at One Shot
smiles from the Moon
love the crescendo of this poetry...
thank you so much for visiting today. your comment about painting words, that's lovely... thank you.
I loved the hint of...reluctance is the best word I can think of...as you awaken to the missing. Lovely poem.
Thank you all for visiting and commenting. Your thoughts are always appreciated,
smiles,
jessie
I see that a lot of your work involves missing someone. Great flow to this!
Clever form echo of the slowness of waking up with the content so making the sting at the end more powerful.Thanks for dropping by and reading Campaigning. I’m drawn to poetry as a storytelling technique and this was about the life of a woman emptied out by the political ambitions of her husband.
Post a Comment